He told me, I should be grateful for the commitments, he made, the twice a year visits.
That when I voiced my need for something different ... than I ruined everything!
I wonder now...What were the words of love and all mixed messages?
Wait for me ,I am scared, I have been hurt, I have been rejected, a woman once told me I was not enough, relationships do not work for me, I am 56 I do not want a relationship and really there is nothing else to talk about.
I asked for the truth over and over and obviously I did not hear you or was not able to read between the lines of your mixed messages. I now know when a man does not answer , it indeed is the answer, someone who is functioning from ego and is more interested in what he has to lose than the damage he may be causing of another.
Is this what one calls emotional manipulation or is it a fear filled ego?
I am not void of mistakes....I am only tired of fighting for future where you gave me moments of hope when actually you never planned on anything.
I needed you to make plans with me , to ask me for the things you need, and you always thought my job was more important to me. No it was the importance of commitment , no different than the commitment you find important that you make to others. The commitment you feel about your job and your appearance to others to be the best man you can be.
I know my words have hurt and challenged you...you do not like when I say your not easygoing ...you do not like to fight or things that are hard ....that may be viewed as easygoing however, I say your not because it makes you mad and you value it just like you use the things that matter to me like, at least we have great sex, sex is one kind of love, and your lack of willingness to identify what our relationship is. I wonder if your friends would identify these responses of an easygoing man. I do not see an easygoing man as manipulative, or someone who leads someone on because he fears losing what he needs, an easygoing man does the right thing because he is always aware of doing the right thing because he likes an easy simple life, so he strives to be righteous.
I always felt that you were a man who wanted his life together before you committed to woman. A Partner and friend to build something with, a dreamer and a man with wandering soul and need for freedom to search for beauty in the world and need to see how the world works. I have always realized that you have a huge doubt that you can be loved completely and unconditionally. But you can only ask a person to be patient for so long when things do not work in life as they do you can not push them aside... I believe you have love and compassion for life and the beings in it. I know your on search and really trying to show up for yourself. I even know you hear things I say and file them away in your organized way. I also know you see me as critical, and ungrateful, and my judgment which is really my needs , make you feel unworthy at some level. I know you always no their is work to be done and have a thirst for knowledge. I believe you have love as big as ocean and have desires filled with contradiction, I know you believe you are easy going but you are also stubborn and can be hurt and will hide it. Most of all you need to be alone in you search and battles, but want someone there waiting. I know you see things that move you to your core.
So perhaps you are not a bad man but so incredibly human whose ego wants to hurt someone before he gets hurt anymore, who perhaps is disappointed in my needs and impatience. So I am trying to be grateful and find my silver lining, I have realized in order to love you or anyone for that matter I have to love myself madly and deeply because love will take you on journey and that you have to find the space in togetherness and allow yourself to find rhythm. This only happens when your honest and truly care for the other person and are not functioning from ego. You like me want to be fully seen by somebody , than, be loved anyhow... I tried to be fearless in how I feel and show all of me both and good and bad... I guess I needed the same to- understand all of you. So I will try to be grateful for this journey and embrace the silver linings.
KARMA
Limetree Garden: Where mysteries unfold.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Pretty Little Lies
There are the lies we tell ourselves when we believe somebody loves us and to only find out they love parts of the you .
There are the lies we tell to ourselves when we believe someone will change and you believe it is fear that gets in their way.
There are the lies we believe when people play games from their ego and believe they do not cause pain, to maintain their goodness.
There are the lies that we tell ourselves out of fear, of losing.
There are the lies we tell ourselves, in that we believe that we are not wrong.
The lies come from the pain, the hurt, the distrust, and the feelings of not being enough.
The lies come from when were not heard, not accepted, from avoiding the hard things, from not listening, from anger, from fear, and ego.
Those pretty little lies will break you and the people around you.
There are the lies we tell to ourselves when we believe someone will change and you believe it is fear that gets in their way.
There are the lies we believe when people play games from their ego and believe they do not cause pain, to maintain their goodness.
There are the lies that we tell ourselves out of fear, of losing.
There are the lies we tell ourselves, in that we believe that we are not wrong.
The lies come from the pain, the hurt, the distrust, and the feelings of not being enough.
The lies come from when were not heard, not accepted, from avoiding the hard things, from not listening, from anger, from fear, and ego.
Those pretty little lies will break you and the people around you.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Love me out loud
You love me in the dark
in the quite.
In small spaces you say you love me
unconditionally.
Are you going to ever Love me out loud
and in the open?
You love me in the dark because you-- cherish me!
We love someone the way we want to be loved.
You want to be loved unconditionally quietly in the dark.
I want to love someone out loud, I want to share the love
I feel for someone , and announce it to the world.
Love is something you do not hide. it is something you need to
share.
There are moments that are sacred bond for only two.
However there is nothing so beautiful when someone
loves you enough to declare there love for you out loud.
Lisa
in the quite.
In small spaces you say you love me
unconditionally.
Are you going to ever Love me out loud
and in the open?
You love me in the dark because you-- cherish me!
We love someone the way we want to be loved.
You want to be loved unconditionally quietly in the dark.
I want to love someone out loud, I want to share the love
I feel for someone , and announce it to the world.
Love is something you do not hide. it is something you need to
share.
There are moments that are sacred bond for only two.
However there is nothing so beautiful when someone
loves you enough to declare there love for you out loud.
Lisa
Sunday, January 04, 2015
Forebidden
She measured.
She blended.
She held each beautiful red lusciousness with admiration.
She rinsed each rounded fruit and delicately peeled its skin from its flesh.
She took the wet firmness in her mouth and as she sucked the flesh,it exploded.
Its juice dripping down her lips and she slowly swallowed the juices seductively.
It was as if sweet nectar of the gods had touched her lips and the juices began to pulse through her veins.
It filled her and evoked her passion like when Eve ate the forbidden fruit.
Each bite she takes she starts to come undone.
Her lips swell with moist abandonment.
She swallows with utter ecstasy.
L
She blended.
She held each beautiful red lusciousness with admiration.
She rinsed each rounded fruit and delicately peeled its skin from its flesh.
She took the wet firmness in her mouth and as she sucked the flesh,it exploded.
Its juice dripping down her lips and she slowly swallowed the juices seductively.
It was as if sweet nectar of the gods had touched her lips and the juices began to pulse through her veins.
It filled her and evoked her passion like when Eve ate the forbidden fruit.
Each bite she takes she starts to come undone.
Her lips swell with moist abandonment.
She swallows with utter ecstasy.
L
Saturday, January 03, 2015
Is it too Late to know...
My green eyes hold my abandonment!
They reveal all that I have lost.
Do you not see it?
Do you not feel it?
Do you not hear it?
Do you not sense it in the way I touch you?
Do you not smell it my breath in the words I breath out to you?
Do you not see me, do you not hear me?
Do you think my words have no meaning?
Do you care that you revel in causing me pain?
Did you know that I ever loved you?
Do you wonder now how I feel about you?
L
They reveal all that I have lost.
Do you not see it?
Do you not feel it?
Do you not hear it?
Do you not sense it in the way I touch you?
Do you not smell it my breath in the words I breath out to you?
Do you not see me, do you not hear me?
Do you think my words have no meaning?
Do you care that you revel in causing me pain?
Did you know that I ever loved you?
Do you wonder now how I feel about you?
L
Love the sacred soul
Love me like it is the first time.
Do not fear my intensity and desire.
Be open, hold me with intention and never let me go.
Do not let your fears conquer you and reject me!
Be bold, be honest, and do not waste another moment.
Do not make promises unless you plan to live them out loud.
Show me everyday you love me .
Never take me for granted.
Care for me.
The door will open again.
I will be free to love in the purest form.
Do not test my purity and desire to love.
Do not forget that I loved you.
Do not forget I need to feel safe,
I need to trust.
Hold steady and strong
be my hero!
Hold me in your sacred hands.
Meet me and invite me in.
L
Do not fear my intensity and desire.
Be open, hold me with intention and never let me go.
Do not let your fears conquer you and reject me!
Be bold, be honest, and do not waste another moment.
Do not make promises unless you plan to live them out loud.
Show me everyday you love me .
Never take me for granted.
Care for me.
The door will open again.
I will be free to love in the purest form.
Do not test my purity and desire to love.
Do not forget that I loved you.
Do not forget I need to feel safe,
I need to trust.
Hold steady and strong
be my hero!
Hold me in your sacred hands.
Meet me and invite me in.
L
Surrrender
I finally can breath!
I no longer have expectations.
I am no longer disappointed.
I know longer feel controlled by someone else.
I have reclaimed my power.
I will always love you, even with
all the fear and disappointment.
We do not embrace chances in fear.
We stay stuck in pain!
I choose to be open!
I choose an unwavering love.
A love that is open and not afraid.
A life that says yes.
A Path that is flexible.
I choose to trust.
To follow my intuition.
Fear no longer serves me I surrender.
I no longer have expectations.
I am no longer disappointed.
I know longer feel controlled by someone else.
I have reclaimed my power.
I will always love you, even with
all the fear and disappointment.
We do not embrace chances in fear.
We stay stuck in pain!
I choose to be open!
I choose an unwavering love.
A love that is open and not afraid.
A life that says yes.
A Path that is flexible.
I choose to trust.
To follow my intuition.
Fear no longer serves me I surrender.
Unwritten Endings
Love lost is like a book never written ,
like chapters started and not yet finished.
Filled with phrases of love mislead and not yet forgiven.
Promises betrayed and hope taken.
Longing paragraphs filled with passion and wonder,
hopes collapsing into deep desire.
Coupled with fear and words shallow with no meaning.
Hollowed hopes and misgivings.
Excuses and unanswered questions; commitment
abandoned with no shared meaning.
Plagued with heart filled anger. Mislead and unjust
the heart frays with disgust.
Tears...filled with rejection and mind building a wall filled
with jealously. Angry words filled with contempt replace
the joy once spent.
Empty days and nights not knowing , waiting for you was like
an unsolved mystery.
Wordsmith of excuses we dissolve into the ending.
L
like chapters started and not yet finished.
Filled with phrases of love mislead and not yet forgiven.
Promises betrayed and hope taken.
Longing paragraphs filled with passion and wonder,
hopes collapsing into deep desire.
Coupled with fear and words shallow with no meaning.
Hollowed hopes and misgivings.
Excuses and unanswered questions; commitment
abandoned with no shared meaning.
Plagued with heart filled anger. Mislead and unjust
the heart frays with disgust.
Tears...filled with rejection and mind building a wall filled
with jealously. Angry words filled with contempt replace
the joy once spent.
Empty days and nights not knowing , waiting for you was like
an unsolved mystery.
Wordsmith of excuses we dissolve into the ending.
L
Friday, January 02, 2015
Reflections of Time and Betrayal
I have wasted day and nights waiting for you. I have wasted nights and days trying to understand you. I have wasted years trying figure you out thinking you might finally choose me over fear. I thought if gave up my fear you would surrender yours. I can admit I was wrong to have faith in someone who does not want anyone to know them I know, because I have parts just like that. I hoped I would be enough and hoped god would send me someone who would teach me how to trust, instead I got someone who challenged me at every step to distrust. You told me you were one of the good guys , you would never hurt me , but you almost broke me ..cause you would never let me in. I should of believed you when you told me who you were, but I seen something else. It is hard to forgive someone who chooses fear over love. I almost lost all of me to fear my own and yours. I might of died if I had not chose to love me.
I do not understand a person who wants all the benefits of relationship and commitment and does not have the capability to do so himself. How can say you love someone when you do not want to make room for them. It is sad to come to a point where you feel nothing and choose that instead of the confusion! Year after year you asked me to wait... I asked for what..you were incapable of sharing any light or offering any degree of hope! I realize you are a match to all my empty places and reflect all my broken places. May be that is why I chose to be swallowed by the reflection and let myself bleed for so long in rejection. I closed myself up begging you, and betraying me. It is not good life to be always waiting , wondering, and feeling disappointed. You want to finally share life... not be stuck on stand by...like a lady in waiting.
You reflected to me in actions that I was not enough, not important, and insignifigant. That likely was not your intention, but your fears changed how I felt about myself. Maybe I am naïve but I thought love was place to feel safe, where you want to stay not runaway. I never hid what I wanted, or needed. I thought LOVE was the ability to put your needs and fears aside and embrace the soul of another with tenderness and integrity. I know now are intentions are likely not the same...I do not want to stay stuck in fear of being broken and waiting and miss someone who loves me. I do not want to be disappointed with excuses based on fears. Passion and feeling safe, can not exist without the other. I want to choose openness I want to embrace what life has to offer me. I want my reflection to be one of openness, not of fear. I hope than life will reflect a love that is ready to be pure.
L
I do not understand a person who wants all the benefits of relationship and commitment and does not have the capability to do so himself. How can say you love someone when you do not want to make room for them. It is sad to come to a point where you feel nothing and choose that instead of the confusion! Year after year you asked me to wait... I asked for what..you were incapable of sharing any light or offering any degree of hope! I realize you are a match to all my empty places and reflect all my broken places. May be that is why I chose to be swallowed by the reflection and let myself bleed for so long in rejection. I closed myself up begging you, and betraying me. It is not good life to be always waiting , wondering, and feeling disappointed. You want to finally share life... not be stuck on stand by...like a lady in waiting.
You reflected to me in actions that I was not enough, not important, and insignifigant. That likely was not your intention, but your fears changed how I felt about myself. Maybe I am naïve but I thought love was place to feel safe, where you want to stay not runaway. I never hid what I wanted, or needed. I thought LOVE was the ability to put your needs and fears aside and embrace the soul of another with tenderness and integrity. I know now are intentions are likely not the same...I do not want to stay stuck in fear of being broken and waiting and miss someone who loves me. I do not want to be disappointed with excuses based on fears. Passion and feeling safe, can not exist without the other. I want to choose openness I want to embrace what life has to offer me. I want my reflection to be one of openness, not of fear. I hope than life will reflect a love that is ready to be pure.
L
Letting go
All year I have tried to let go, to not care, and to become void.
You said we had fun and yet you have heard my hurt.
Do we remember only the good...and not all the hard?
When we are hurt we play games, but for once I was going to trust and take a chance ! I was going to let you in my heart. I do not understand a man who plays with woman's heart. Bob Marley said the biggest coward of a man is to awaken the Love of woman without the intention of loving her. Love is not sex... sex is something that can make things deeper if it is not just an act of pleasure. If this is your fear than your fear won. If this was to challenge my trust in you, you did and it won. Love is thought to be unconditional but only if you do choose to love purely and share who you are.
If you want someone back you do not go back to the act and the desire you go back to the love. Some men think sex is the Love, to be desired and wanted is the expression of love however it is the amazement when you think of that person and can not imagine being without them.
L
You said we had fun and yet you have heard my hurt.
Do we remember only the good...and not all the hard?
When we are hurt we play games, but for once I was going to trust and take a chance ! I was going to let you in my heart. I do not understand a man who plays with woman's heart. Bob Marley said the biggest coward of a man is to awaken the Love of woman without the intention of loving her. Love is not sex... sex is something that can make things deeper if it is not just an act of pleasure. If this is your fear than your fear won. If this was to challenge my trust in you, you did and it won. Love is thought to be unconditional but only if you do choose to love purely and share who you are.
If you want someone back you do not go back to the act and the desire you go back to the love. Some men think sex is the Love, to be desired and wanted is the expression of love however it is the amazement when you think of that person and can not imagine being without them.
L
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Finding Grace and Prayer
Last night I embraced The Circle of Fire.
A prayer to ignite my spirit.
A matrimony with divine.
I am invested in this prayer.
My intent is to recover my divinity.
To put trust in the spirit that guides me.
I will live my life with gratitude.
With Love ,Loyalty, and Justice.
This begins with me and than all who cross my path.
I will respect all creation as symbol of my love communion
of whom I was created.
I will return to my joy and happiness...and share this with the world.
I know I am responsible for my own happiness.
I also know I do not want to live in anger, sadness, or jealously.
I will recover my will, my faith. and my love.
I will free myself from the lies and emotion, and free my faith.
A prayer for me.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Where do I stand I really do not know!
I ask you the questions, I ask you for truth, and you do not answer!
You say you are afraid to open your heart and tell me the truth.
I have been waiting for that for along time.
I question if you know what truth is,are you scared to reveal who you are?
I really wonder if anyone knows who you are!
Are you just stranger to everyone?
I am lost without a compass.
I debilitated without passion.
My direction void!
My soul no doubt, lost.
I can not find the light and I am losing my fight.
I call upon my spirit guides, asking to be embraced by god.
I am falling into my abyss.
I am totally torn from limb to limb.
Where are you?
Come guide me!
I am out touch.
I am void of joy!
I feel like I have nothing...
I am told to feel grateful!
I am urged to feel thankful and blessed.
I feel however like I am drowning and stuck.
I still want to be embraced and rescued.
I feel tormented and broke.
I blame life for letting me down.
I believe god has not shown up.
Why can I not find my way?
Why does life never feel like enough?
Am I not blessed?
Are these pains mine to blame.
Has god called me to each of these moments, to find me instead.
Atone... embrace your love!
Life is worth knowing.
You may feel rejected, but feel your love instead.
Feel the love within.
By Lisa
I debilitated without passion.
My direction void!
My soul no doubt, lost.
I can not find the light and I am losing my fight.
I call upon my spirit guides, asking to be embraced by god.
I am falling into my abyss.
I am totally torn from limb to limb.
Where are you?
Come guide me!
I am out touch.
I am void of joy!
I feel like I have nothing...
I am told to feel grateful!
I am urged to feel thankful and blessed.
I feel however like I am drowning and stuck.
I still want to be embraced and rescued.
I feel tormented and broke.
I blame life for letting me down.
I believe god has not shown up.
Why can I not find my way?
Why does life never feel like enough?
Am I not blessed?
Are these pains mine to blame.
Has god called me to each of these moments, to find me instead.
Atone... embrace your love!
Life is worth knowing.
You may feel rejected, but feel your love instead.
Feel the love within.
By Lisa
Broken
We all want someone to accept all of who we are.
An unconditional love void of mistrust.
A love that is filled with space and peace.
A love that resurrects our passion that was lost.
A love that recognizes and touches are deepest being.
A Love that can see our soul.
A love that transsends our deepest pains.
A Love that makes us feel like enough.
A Love that illuminates a mirror, with someone who finally understands.
Who gives hope where love has always went wrong.
Some of us want to find this love in one person.
Another human searching and broken like you.
Others find this love in mirage of broken humans.
You start to excavate many souls looking for the perfect one to devote too!
You open your heart and you let go!
You put all those broken pieces of you heart and sacrifice the wounds and surrender!
The Broken look for love from another, rather than the Love they carry from within.
The Broken fall in love, with love- misguided and hopeful.
They look for love too change how life feels.
A person to be their without consequence.
A Love desiring nothing in return.
A love without expectation, which carries so much expectation.
A love that bridges the lack we always need to feel of being loved.
The love we constantly wait for that never comes.
A perfect Love void of rejection, judgment and betrayal.
A time telling fairytale we believe exists.
Instead of love that is real, complicated, and changing.
A real love for the broken is the love we are born with, that is pure and embracing love.
The love we need to return too, to began again.
A love filled with connection and total acceptance, where we know are own beauty and divinity.
Which opens the heart that attracts the souls love, not dependent on a savaged love but an adorning love.
The real love that the broken are searching for.
A Love god given to each one us -lost -every time the heart gets broken, betrayed and the heart interpreted that is not enough.
Even a broken soul still carries that rare love inside no matter the heart aches and an invitation and path to a pure Love universally given.
The gift remains no matter how we have been broken.
True Love!
By Lisa
We all want someone to accept all of who we are.
An unconditional love void of mistrust.
A love that is filled with space and peace.
A love that resurrects our passion that was lost.
A love that recognizes and touches are deepest being.
A Love that can see our soul.
A love that transsends our deepest pains.
A Love that makes us feel like enough.
A Love that illuminates a mirror, with someone who finally understands.
Who gives hope where love has always went wrong.
Some of us want to find this love in one person.
Another human searching and broken like you.
Others find this love in mirage of broken humans.
You start to excavate many souls looking for the perfect one to devote too!
You open your heart and you let go!
You put all those broken pieces of you heart and sacrifice the wounds and surrender!
The Broken look for love from another, rather than the Love they carry from within.
The Broken fall in love, with love- misguided and hopeful.
They look for love too change how life feels.
A person to be their without consequence.
A Love desiring nothing in return.
A love without expectation, which carries so much expectation.
A love that bridges the lack we always need to feel of being loved.
The love we constantly wait for that never comes.
A perfect Love void of rejection, judgment and betrayal.
A time telling fairytale we believe exists.
Instead of love that is real, complicated, and changing.
A real love for the broken is the love we are born with, that is pure and embracing love.
The love we need to return too, to began again.
A love filled with connection and total acceptance, where we know are own beauty and divinity.
Which opens the heart that attracts the souls love, not dependent on a savaged love but an adorning love.
The real love that the broken are searching for.
A Love god given to each one us -lost -every time the heart gets broken, betrayed and the heart interpreted that is not enough.
Even a broken soul still carries that rare love inside no matter the heart aches and an invitation and path to a pure Love universally given.
The gift remains no matter how we have been broken.
True Love!
By Lisa
Resurrection
Love thyself.
Do not depend on the love of another,to complete you.
Do not let that lover define you.
His love will never fill you!
Their love will only saturate the love you do not feel for yourself.
They will disappoint you!
You will always find fault in the way they love you and hurt you.
You will make excuses for them and you will believe the lies they tell in the pursuit of love.
You will want change them and you will always need more for them.
If he berates you, he wants to wound you.
Remember...The one who says he loves you paints their own picture their own story...their own pains with love.
Pay attention to those words and actions they will show their broken pieces of love and the truth of your love.
If he avoids you he wants to dismiss you.
If he believes a woman need sex rather than intimacy he is misguided.
Someone who loves you wants to give you more of themselves ,not less.
Home is not just in the intimacy, but in the pleasure of sharing the ordinary.
Truth be told, a man will know when he takes you for granted.
If he pays attention to only to what will hurt you! Let go!
Let go of man who does not hear you and who no longer want to listen or address you.
A man who says he loves you, when he loves only what you do for him.
Dismiss a man who does not want to share himself.
Do not trust a many who will say he loves you and another breath makes you feel insecure.
If man does not want you in his life,he will make excuses and he will always find a way to keep you out.
Let go of the love who ignores you, who is complacent with you.
Let go of the man who does not want to make plans with you and never asks you what you need and want.
If man will not fight for you, let him go!
Let go of man who can not recognize you are hurt!
Let go of a love that does not want to give, who does not want to open his heart or his home to you.
Instead resurrect the Love that was born to you!
Embrace love that was sacred to you.
Resurrect the Love that you have needed to fill you.
Have the grace to fall in love with you and who you were born to be.
Connect to the heart that is open to more.
The love you need will find you!
Just allow yourself the opportunity to reflect and Resurrect!
By Lisa
Love thyself.
Do not depend on the love of another,to complete you.
Do not let that lover define you.
His love will never fill you!
Their love will only saturate the love you do not feel for yourself.
They will disappoint you!
You will always find fault in the way they love you and hurt you.
You will make excuses for them and you will believe the lies they tell in the pursuit of love.
You will want change them and you will always need more for them.
If he berates you, he wants to wound you.
Remember...The one who says he loves you paints their own picture their own story...their own pains with love.
Pay attention to those words and actions they will show their broken pieces of love and the truth of your love.
If he avoids you he wants to dismiss you.
If he believes a woman need sex rather than intimacy he is misguided.
Someone who loves you wants to give you more of themselves ,not less.
Home is not just in the intimacy, but in the pleasure of sharing the ordinary.
Truth be told, a man will know when he takes you for granted.
If he pays attention to only to what will hurt you! Let go!
Let go of man who does not hear you and who no longer want to listen or address you.
A man who says he loves you, when he loves only what you do for him.
Dismiss a man who does not want to share himself.
Do not trust a many who will say he loves you and another breath makes you feel insecure.
If man does not want you in his life,he will make excuses and he will always find a way to keep you out.
Let go of the love who ignores you, who is complacent with you.
Let go of the man who does not want to make plans with you and never asks you what you need and want.
If man will not fight for you, let him go!
Let go of man who can not recognize you are hurt!
Let go of a love that does not want to give, who does not want to open his heart or his home to you.
Instead resurrect the Love that was born to you!
Embrace love that was sacred to you.
Resurrect the Love that you have needed to fill you.
Have the grace to fall in love with you and who you were born to be.
Connect to the heart that is open to more.
The love you need will find you!
Just allow yourself the opportunity to reflect and Resurrect!
By Lisa
Sunday, February 09, 2014
Broken Hearts
I have been crying a ocean of tears filled with rejection and loss.
I remember the words my mother told me find someone who loves you more than you love them.
Maybe that is selfish love when you have lost and have nothing more than one broken heart.
I learned early that people will break you heart...
you can love them uncondtionally,
stand by them,
cherish them,
stick by them but their broken hearts;
will lie to you ,
hurt you
and will beat you away.
People will take that unconditional love you give them
eventually they will abuse it,
use it,
and short change you.
This is a broken heart it is heart that has been robbed by another.
A heart that is desperate,,,will try to mend,
or it will try to break another heart.
This heart will test,
play games,
and will withhold the very thing it wants.
This heart will give away its respect,
will allow itself to be used,
will believe in things that are not real,
and may even hurt another heart to give away its own pain.
A broken heart bruised deeply will either strive to never hurt another,
or will at all costs do everything it can to never be hurt again.
So today I cry for my broken heart scarred and always tender and all the other hearts that feel abused, rejected, disrespected, and subjected to all that it is been broken!
You ask me if I miss you!
Right now I fill I lost to you.
I have always wanted you to let me in...I feel like you totally slammed the door on me!
You said you know me, than I ask why you want to hurt me?
My thoughts are that you are overwhelmed, but I feel clueless.
I believe you are wrapped in loss and in pain!
I wonder if it is just another excuse I make for you!
I wonder if you tell someonelse that I am the girl who wants more for you and makes you feel trapped!
Ever since you told me about the woman who you went to the concert with...I wonder if she feels like me.
Why does this guy like me , but avoids me, why does this guy not want more from me. I wonder if you have told her that you love her and left her with mixed messages.
I wanted to be that girl you wanted to share things with, not the girl you run to when you want to avoid things.
I have learned that when you give your love you are lied too, when you share yourself you will find someone who withholds,and that when you find someone who hides they are not just hiding from you.
Have I tried to make you mad, to wake you up, to let me in but you just put another barrier up!
You always want easy and simple...I am always fighting for something real with you.
I wondering who your protecting? I wonder if the games you play make you hard?
I wonder who;you hold close, who you would never hurt,and who you want to tell the truth too!
It is not me!
Someone who always tests you, will finally create person who will one day stop trying!
Is it not ironic that we create what we do not want!
Sunday, April 08, 2012
The Love that Remains
I wish I could tire of you,be rid of you.
I no longer want to devour you.
I want comfort from you.
I wanted you to be my home, my santuary.
I wanted your trust, your truth.
I did not want to rescue you only be blesssed by you.
It is strange that in a moment and a breath things become broken.
Fragile ties and blessings denied, and unsweet pain, we try again
Fear and not knowing where you fit or stand, can not with stand.
I guess love is that fragile, or it was never real!
We try to replace with not much grace!
We discard with haste, and no real regard.
Again we become displaced!
You have to wonder what is ever real and what was mistake.
Love one sided is surely to break.
When we never really commit, a broken heart it does make.
A feeling of never being binded and never knowing, is just blind faith.
Falling and capitulating into the deepest oblivion.
I surrender to brokeness, I fall into the inner depths.
I linger in the dream of what it was all meant to be for me.
I shatter that nothing was real, only a hope of what I wanted it to be.
A daydream of my creation, a splender of divination, or some kind of hallucination.
Caught up in a fairy tale and a knight found in an oasis!
I lost my filter in my moment of surrender.
I trusted to give me the courage, for the endeavour!
I believed in the forgiveness and patience.
I gave you my twenty seconds of insane courage and all of my
embarrassing bravery, hoping for something great.
I know now that love is not something you should beg for.
It is never to be wondered upon if you are truly emabraced.
Love is something you do not have to hide from or run from.
In love you never feel disregarded, alone, or misplaced.
Love should never want to hurt, be selfish, or wonder off in haste.
Real love is blessed with the most ultimate of faith.
Love is not sex but a pure surrender.
Love is blessed not insane.
Love knows the others pain.
Love is not selfish and unkind.
Love is strong and not filled with pain.
Love is grace!
Does love remain?
Does love abstain?
Does love wane?
Does love sustain?
I wonder right now what love is!
Lisa
I wish I could tire of you,be rid of you.
I no longer want to devour you.
I want comfort from you.
I wanted you to be my home, my santuary.
I wanted your trust, your truth.
I did not want to rescue you only be blesssed by you.
It is strange that in a moment and a breath things become broken.
Fragile ties and blessings denied, and unsweet pain, we try again
Fear and not knowing where you fit or stand, can not with stand.
I guess love is that fragile, or it was never real!
We try to replace with not much grace!
We discard with haste, and no real regard.
Again we become displaced!
You have to wonder what is ever real and what was mistake.
Love one sided is surely to break.
When we never really commit, a broken heart it does make.
A feeling of never being binded and never knowing, is just blind faith.
Falling and capitulating into the deepest oblivion.
I surrender to brokeness, I fall into the inner depths.
I linger in the dream of what it was all meant to be for me.
I shatter that nothing was real, only a hope of what I wanted it to be.
A daydream of my creation, a splender of divination, or some kind of hallucination.
Caught up in a fairy tale and a knight found in an oasis!
I lost my filter in my moment of surrender.
I trusted to give me the courage, for the endeavour!
I believed in the forgiveness and patience.
I gave you my twenty seconds of insane courage and all of my
embarrassing bravery, hoping for something great.
I know now that love is not something you should beg for.
It is never to be wondered upon if you are truly emabraced.
Love is something you do not have to hide from or run from.
In love you never feel disregarded, alone, or misplaced.
Love should never want to hurt, be selfish, or wonder off in haste.
Real love is blessed with the most ultimate of faith.
Love is not sex but a pure surrender.
Love is blessed not insane.
Love knows the others pain.
Love is not selfish and unkind.
Love is strong and not filled with pain.
Love is grace!
Does love remain?
Does love abstain?
Does love wane?
Does love sustain?
I wonder right now what love is!
Lisa
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Why would someone misuse the word Love.
Why would they say that word and not bother to mean them?
No one should say that word, unless there heart means it.
You do not say you love someone because your lonely, you sayit because you love them.
They say love can move mountains and heal a heart.
But love keeps breaking my heart.
I let people in who say thatI matter, but in the end I fill up the empty spaces.
Is that what happens when you Love, you end up allowingpeople take pieces of you.
You give yourself away.
Is Love not suppose to open your heart and help you love truer and deeper.
Love is suppose to help you trust more and to help you endure.
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