Limetree Garden: Where mysteries unfold.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I have waited for you
for a lifetime.
Waiting for you to show up.
Waiting for you to find me.
Waiting for you too really love me.
I thought we had a sacred love!
A sacred trust.
But we forgot to be kind.
We forgot how to accept.
How to cherish and embrace.
We could not surrender.
We would not sacrifice.
We have are agendas,are baggage.
Are wills.
Where is the grace of love.
What happened to the sweet peace.
Nothing is left but a disheveled bond
and unbearable distrust.
A fractured love.

A beating heart.
A lover 's touch.
An angel's embrace.
A warm smile.
Fear to Faith.
Every moment embraced.
A hug from a child.
The love of a furry friend.
A majestic view.
Rhythm of the ocean.
The warmth of the sun.
A forest canopy.
A blessing from above.
A Love that runs deep.
True Peace.

Open heart

I relent,I find my faith.
I no longer want to struggle.
I do not want to beg you
or be let down.
I do not want someone who
is incapable of caring.
I want words that have deep
meaning and filled with action.
That is what brings sweet peace,
a heart that shares.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The test of Love

I feel like I am in battle.
All I want is peace.
I am tired of the anger I feel.
I know it takes two to break apart the love,
so your not all to blame.
Maybe if I let you be right
and let go of my anger and shame,
than we can blow out the flame.
Than maybe you will let me be.
I know that the freedom I seek will
really equal me missing you.

I just do not want to fight,
it is too hard.
I am not ready yet to let go
of my love..but you
have moved forward and I need
chance to do that to.

You have love for me, and are
scared to lose me completely.
Sometimes you have to let go
of love, set someone free, and
they may find their way back.
You have to have the trust, they will
come back to you.
Different and stronger.
You have a fear of losing me,
but right now their is nothing
left of me.
Our love has shifted, with fear and distrust.
Our love collided but it has become misguided.
I will always love you,but I can live with love
and not trust you.
I can not live joyfully when you do not trust me
enough to share with me.
Are wanting and desire is not strong enough
anymore to accept what we lack.

I am spent, not strong, not resilient
and lost.
I can not live wondering and not trusting
I wanted to feel safe and be invited into your
You are scared to be trapped but I would never
have path to find you.

I do not at this point know where to go.
I do not have desire to control you.
I have no energy to go looking for you.
If you wanted me to, I would however find you.
No more of energy will be spent fighting you,
blaming you, or escaping you.
Let's just find some peace.
Moving toward Peace for me

I let go of any outcome.
I choose to not worry anymore,
that you will go away.
At this point I feel our
I do not want games,worries,
or frustration.
I do not want to choose to
feel alone with someone.
I know I can smile even when my
heart is breaking.
I know I will not die if you do
not call me,email me or message me.
I know I have reacted to every hurt and
test,each time showing that I care, at the
same time attacking.
My every breath has been filled with consciousness,
my every hurt and test filled me with anxiety.
Love is not something that should hurt,
and friendship has it ups and downs but a friend
does not hurt someone intentionally.
I am not sure what your plan has been but if
you listened you would of never caused further
I will no longer waste a moment trying to figure
out, how connection like I thought we had , could
come to end.
Maybe I believed, that we both would see the light,
heal our hurts, and find our way.
But neither of us had the courage to find a better way.
So I will now let us be, and I choose to find a way for me.
I try to reach me.
Instead of holding on, you test me.
I guess I will never know when you
were honest and when it was just a game.
Maybe it was my lack of trust or
maybe it was you never gave me
a reason to trust.
Maybe we created a mirror where you
loved parts of me and I loved parts of you.
All I know is that it has been four years
or more, and now it does not mean much anymore.
It makes me sad that we both sets limits on love.
I can not see past your commitment issues,your misconstruded truths,
and limits to friendship.
Nor can you accept me for my desire for commitment, integrity
and openness.
We hold each other in bondage,in each others personal limitations.
Neither of us can move past are own capabilities.
Afterall when love is real you want to be more.
You try to continue and test me, but instead you have taught me how
to not care anymore.
I long for what might of been, but it was only my personal longing
and yours also.
We could of stayed friends if last Christmas you would of not changed
the rules and tested the limits and seen how far we might go.
Instead your left with woman who does not how to accept a man for a friend
with who she can not trust and would choose to hurt her instead.
If you want a loyal friend you never hurt them in the end.
I could of lived with friendship if you could of loved me enough
to know that my heart would break.
That my anger was awakened when you hurt me and made fun of the love I
had for youagain and again.
Although wrong, I attacked and found your set of buttons and
pushed straight ahead.
I have found that when man is just not capable of loving you,for who you are,and
you start to devalue who you are, that is not love.
To myself I finally need to be true, letting go is something I must do.
I do not know the outcome of what things will turn out to be, but for right now I must cherish myself instead of concentrating on you.
I would of continued put you first and lose myself, and forget about me.
In the end that is what I can thank you for, showing me that I need to love and trust myself once again.
In the end ,I know I cannot be patient, or loving enough to change someones mind.
I will try to find true love someday, acknowledge love lost, and even recognize a true love is not perfect. That individual pain sometimes suceed.
In the end we end up with nothing because we thought of are own needs instead of ours.

I am looking for my balance.
I do not want to close my heart
just because I was wrong in believing you.
I recognize that I have heart that is filled with passion,
hope, fragile momentum, and tenderness.
My heart also fills with anger when it is not shown due care.
My heart feels the ache of being left alone,when you have not chosen to be there.
I also can see that my fears smother my trust, and make me ache,
and finds its way to some degree of hate.
My heart can no longer long for something that will never grow and flourish, and become stronger.
My heart took a risk on you and my heart fears won, and broke down my trust in both you and me.
I recognize now that allowed myself to shatter into pieces and let go of my integrity, in hopes that you would finally love me.
I realize now that only thing that is left is, to let go.
I will never know your truth or what you wanted from me I thought it was love but now I feel it was only power over me.
To break my spirit and diminish my will.
You said you wanted peace and easy, yet you spent more time testing me and breaking me.
When you took away my peace, I took your peace, and we shattered piece by piece our connection.
Our Love and compassion, diminished, and finally nothing left for us to keep.

I let go of you to allow love in again.
I let go to find my belief in love again.
I let go of you to recconnect to my intuitive nature.
I let go of you because you remind me of my fears,
and insecurities.
I let go of you so I can no longer feel your rejection.
I let go of you because you have chosen a path that
can not include me.
I let go of my belief and the trust I once had for you,
cause I finally heard your truth.
I let go of you cause you did not value my truth enough
to embrace what you knew would hurt me.
I remove my belief in our connection,because I forgot to believe in myself
and only you.
I let you go because, I want to let go of my all fears that I can survive without you.
I let go so I can no longer deny, but accept what is true.
I let go because the outcome is not in my control.
I let you go,so I can find my way back again.