Is it too Late to know...

My green eyes hold my abandonment!
They reveal all that I have lost.
Do you not see it?
Do you not feel it?
Do you not hear it?
Do you not sense it in the way I touch you?
Do you not smell it my breath in the words I breath out to you?

Do you not see me, do you not hear me?
Do you think my words have no meaning?

Do you care that you revel in causing me pain?

Did you know that I ever loved you?

Do you wonder now how I feel about you?

L

Love the sacred soul

Love me like it is the first time.
Do not fear my intensity and desire.
Be open, hold me with intention and never let me go.
Do not let your fears conquer you and reject me!
Be bold, be honest, and do not waste another moment.
Do not make promises unless you plan to live them out loud.

Show me everyday you love me .
Never take me for granted.
Care for me.
The door will open again.
I will be free to love in the purest form.
Do not test my purity and desire to love.
Do not forget that I loved you.
Do not forget I need to feel safe,
I need to trust.

Hold steady and strong
be my hero!
Hold me in your sacred hands.
Meet me and invite me in.

L

Surrrender

I finally can breath!
I no longer have expectations.
I am no longer disappointed.
I know longer feel controlled by someone else.
I have reclaimed my power.
I will always love you, even with
all the fear and disappointment.
We do not embrace chances in fear.
We stay stuck in pain!

I choose to be open!
I choose an unwavering love.
A love that is open and not afraid.
A life that says yes.
A Path that is flexible.
I choose to trust.
To follow my intuition.
Fear no longer serves me I surrender.

Unwritten Endings

 Love lost is like a book never written ,
like chapters started and not yet finished.

Filled with phrases of love mislead and not yet forgiven.
Promises betrayed and hope taken.

Longing paragraphs filled with passion and wonder,
 hopes collapsing into deep desire.

Coupled with fear and words shallow with no meaning.
Hollowed hopes and misgivings.

Excuses and unanswered questions; commitment
abandoned with no shared meaning.

Plagued with heart filled anger. Mislead and unjust
the heart frays with disgust.

Tears...filled with rejection and mind building a wall filled
with jealously. Angry words filled with contempt replace
the joy once spent.

Empty days and nights not knowing , waiting for you was like
an unsolved mystery.

Wordsmith of excuses we dissolve into the ending.

L

Reflections of Time and Betrayal

I have wasted day and nights waiting for you.  I have wasted nights and days trying to understand you. I have wasted years trying figure you out thinking you might finally choose me over fear. I thought if gave up my fear you would surrender yours. I can admit I was wrong to have faith in someone who does not want anyone to know them I know, because I have parts just like that. I hoped I would be enough and hoped god would send me someone who would teach me how to trust, instead I got someone who challenged me at every step to distrust.  You told me you were one of the good guys , you would never hurt me , but you almost broke me ..cause you would never let me in. I should of believed you when you told me who you were, but I seen something else. It is hard to forgive someone who chooses fear over love. I almost lost all of me to fear my own and yours. I might of died if I had not chose to love me.

I do not understand a person who wants all the benefits of relationship and commitment and does not have the capability to do so himself. How can say you love someone when you do not want to make room for them. It is sad to come to a point where you feel nothing and choose that instead of the confusion! Year after year you asked me to wait... I asked for what..you were incapable of  sharing any light or offering any degree of hope! I realize you are a match to all my empty places and reflect all my broken places. May be that is why I chose to be swallowed by the reflection and let myself bleed for so long in rejection. I closed myself up begging you, and betraying me. It is not good life to be always waiting , wondering, and feeling disappointed. You want to  finally share life... not be stuck on stand by...like a lady in waiting.

You reflected to me in actions that I was not enough, not important, and insignifigant. That likely was not your intention, but your fears changed how I felt about myself. Maybe I am naïve but I thought love was place to feel safe, where you want to stay not runaway. I never hid what I wanted, or needed. I thought LOVE was the ability to put your needs and fears aside and embrace the soul of another with tenderness and integrity. I know now are intentions are likely not the same...I do not want to stay stuck in fear  of being broken and waiting and miss someone who loves me. I do not want to be disappointed with excuses based on fears. Passion and feeling safe, can not exist without the other. I want to choose openness I want to embrace what life has to offer me. I want my reflection to be one of openness, not of fear.  I hope than life will reflect a love that is ready to be pure.
L

Letting go

All year I have tried to let go, to not care, and  to become void.
You said we had fun and yet you have heard my hurt.
Do we remember only the good...and not all the hard?
When we are hurt we play games, but for once I was going to trust and take a chance ! I was going to let you in my heart. I do not understand a man who plays with woman's heart. Bob Marley said the biggest coward of a man is to awaken the Love of woman without the intention of loving her. Love is not sex... sex is something that can make things deeper if it is not just an act of pleasure. If this  is your fear than your fear won. If this was to challenge my trust in you, you did and it won. Love is thought to be unconditional but only if you do choose to love purely and share who you are.
If you want someone back you do not go back to the act and the desire you go back to the love. Some men think sex is the Love, to be desired and wanted is the expression of love however it is the amazement when you think of that person and can not imagine being without them.
L